Could you check my blinker fluid? I think it's low...

Summer is upon us which for a lot of people means lots of driving and lots of driving in cities you may not be familiar with.  In light of this, I've decided to write a little advice column about driving in and around Denver, Colorado based on some observances made today.  Please note that I am a world-class expert driver-person and a perfect model of courteousness at all times and have never ever once committed an act behind the wheel that might be mistakenly lumped into the category of douchbageriness.  With that said, let us continue.
Tip #1: Altitude is a funny thing.  Here in the Denver metro area, altitude has been known to cause swelling of the brain which results is some pretty strange behavior- especially once inside a car.  I'm no altitude expert but from what I understand, the seals on the doors cause a vacuum-like environment where anything goes.  Anything...
Tip#2: Another altitude warning: the high elevation means your blinker fluid might run out quicker.  This causes strange effects on your blinkers; the usual symptom is it not working at all.  Less common is the wrong blinker flashing for your intended merge or turn.  No need to fret, though.  Many Denver drivers are well aware of this fully little quirk and will merge for you, or just assume you're going somewhere else and that your spot on the highway is free for them to take.
Tip#3: Feel free to text on the interstate while driving 15 below the limit during rush-hour traffic.  Your swerving will help you keep your space and there's the entertainment factor of watching everyone zoom around you.  Think of it as a game of bumper cars.
Tip#4: When approaching an intersection and there are two left hand turn lanes, assume the third left lane is turning as well, despite the appearance of it going straight through the intersection.  You are a dick if you decide to go straight through and cut off someone changing lanes.  Which reminds me...
Tip#5: Changing lanes in the middle of an intersection is apparently legal in Denver.
Tip#6: Stopping at a Yield sign is not allowed, even if there is on-coming traffic or pedestrians.
Tip#7: Stopping at red lights is also bad.  And NEVER stop at a yellow light.
Tip#8: The quiet residential streets are perfect for drag racing.  +1 if you manage to find anyone getting out of or into their car.
Tip#9: If your driving this summer happens to involve a moving truck it is advisable that you take the corner spaces on the residential streets to prevent anyone from being able to see around you.
and finally...
Tip#10: The more expensive vehicle has the right-of-way. Always.  If wealth is not apparent, the bigger one, then.  And mini-vans trump all.

I hope this is helpful- feel free to add additional tips for Denver drivers!


**I really hope this isn't necessary, but this entire thing is a farce and should not be taken seriously...  After all, we all know blinker fluid never goes low- it just bursts into a fiery blaze when exposed to high altitude and THAT'S why we don't use them...**