When I was a child, there was a magical faraway kingdom I was led to believe existed just over the horizon. That kingdom was the Adult World...
In this world people were sophisticated and well-read and courteous. The pettiness of middle and high school was so below these people. These people worked hard and knew how to be polite. They were civilized and treated one another with respect. I knew that one day, a magical day, a switch would be flipped and I'd enter that world. Not without responsibility, though. I always knew that was part of living in AW- but that's what people did there. They worked hard and were responsible and took care of themselves and one another.
I'm still waiting for my ticket to Adult World. Maybe it's lost in the mail.
I remember a childhood filled with comments and actions pushing me to "grow up!" and "act your age!" and my favorite: "if you want to be treated like an adult, act like an adult!" I think that final statement is what prompted the ideas of AW- that there was a transition of childhood to adult and that happened, well, like a switch. Maybe it was at 18- legal "adult age." Or maybe at that magic 21. Or, as my father was fond of saying, it happens at 35 (which, oddly enough- Dad's "adult age" grew in years as he did. I think the new age for becoming an adult is now 50?)
My dreams became slightly splintered during the transition from middle to high school. I blame media for that and casting mature actors to play teenagers so when they always seemed older and more mature- they were! Meh, it's a theory. Then in high school, I had teachers talking about college and how its this great place filled with intellectuals where I could bond with like-minded young adults. Free thinking! Open, educated, logical yet civil debates! Oh, it was going to be great to shed the shackles of the pettiness of my classmates and enter a logical and civil paradise. We'd all be there to learn and expand our minds, right?
After high school I joined the Air National Guard and went to basic training and tech school. I observed immediately that the people hadn't changed- it was all kind of like still being in high school except with running and uniforms. The faces had changed, but the people were the same. Same backstabbing, same rumors, same petty arguments. Don't get me wrong, I was part of it too, but I wasn't an "adult" yet, right? I hadn't entered the "real world" (another favorite childhood saying about living in the real world as opposed to that fake one I was in).
I've been floating ever since. I had a bit of a quarter-life crisis at 25 because my invitation to Adult World hadn't come yet, despite doing all the right (and wrong) things I thought I was doing. I had been married and divorced. Had purchased a house and already faced with being unable to sell and having to figure something out. Had been paying my bills, I did my taxes. Drove a nice car that I had bought and paid for while keeping it insured. I felt like I had done the actions of adults, but didn't feel like I was one of them yet. I had yet to rise above my own high school dramas and allowed myself to get caught up in other peoples dramas and games and gossip...
A few years later I'm the same way. Still have that house, have a condo here in the town I live in. Still pay my bills, still conduct myself civilly in public. But I still feel like a child. Still can't keep my room clean, still let laundry pile up, still eat like crap, still gossip, still get pouty when I don't get my way, still make excuses.... but I'm working on that! I promise!
Lately I've been irritated. That entrance ticket to Adult World has never shown up. I feel trapped and helpless as I look around and ponder my fate of being stuck with these other people that never got their calling to AW, either. I keep shaking my head at the high school dramas and very consciously willing myself not to get involved (getting better!). I still get shocked, however, when people that I perceive to be qualified for AW (mostly the ones older than me) act like children and then I feel like a child as a result. My invitation is still pending, so it feels like I must continue to play the role of a child or inferior to those AW qualifiers, but then get upset at the injustice- just another sign I'm not ready for AW, right??
I have a sneaking suspicion that Adult World doesn't exist. At least, the concept as I had believed doesn't exist and that the magical world isn't as exclusive as I thought. Seems they let anyone in these days... As I'm typing this, though, I'm thinking back on the previous lives I've lived and the life I have now. Yes, I was a child and a teenager and as I've grown, I've set myself on the path to AW. The people I have chosen to associate with have helped me grow and have unconsciously pushed me to become more self aware (or maybe that WAS a conscious effort!). I still have to make my dealings in that all inclusive, shattered Real World, but I can choose and make my own Adult World by being my own ticket and extending the invitation to the people I choose to have in my life. It may not be that utopia I imagined as a child, but it's getting there and I realize now that it starts with deciding to be an ADULT myself.
Funny, I started this entry all riled up and pissed off that people can't just act like adults and grow up already. Just in the time it has taken to write this, I realized that I'm still part of the problem and that change starts with me. Can we add that to my AW entrance application, please?
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Could you check my blinker fluid? I think it's low...
Summer is upon us which for a lot of people means lots of driving and lots of driving in cities you may not be familiar with. In light of this, I've decided to write a little advice column about driving in and around Denver, Colorado based on some observances made today. Please note that I am a world-class expert driver-person and a perfect model of courteousness at all times and have never ever once committed an act behind the wheel that might be mistakenly lumped into the category of douchbageriness. With that said, let us continue.
Tip #1: Altitude is a funny thing. Here in the Denver metro area, altitude has been known to cause swelling of the brain which results is some pretty strange behavior- especially once inside a car. I'm no altitude expert but from what I understand, the seals on the doors cause a vacuum-like environment where anything goes. Anything...
Tip#2: Another altitude warning: the high elevation means your blinker fluid might run out quicker. This causes strange effects on your blinkers; the usual symptom is it not working at all. Less common is the wrong blinker flashing for your intended merge or turn. No need to fret, though. Many Denver drivers are well aware of this fully little quirk and will merge for you, or just assume you're going somewhere else and that your spot on the highway is free for them to take.
Tip#3: Feel free to text on the interstate while driving 15 below the limit during rush-hour traffic. Your swerving will help you keep your space and there's the entertainment factor of watching everyone zoom around you. Think of it as a game of bumper cars.
Tip#4: When approaching an intersection and there are two left hand turn lanes, assume the third left lane is turning as well, despite the appearance of it going straight through the intersection. You are a dick if you decide to go straight through and cut off someone changing lanes. Which reminds me...
Tip#5: Changing lanes in the middle of an intersection is apparently legal in Denver.
Tip#6: Stopping at a Yield sign is not allowed, even if there is on-coming traffic or pedestrians.
Tip#7: Stopping at red lights is also bad. And NEVER stop at a yellow light.
Tip#8: The quiet residential streets are perfect for drag racing. +1 if you manage to find anyone getting out of or into their car.
Tip#9: If your driving this summer happens to involve a moving truck it is advisable that you take the corner spaces on the residential streets to prevent anyone from being able to see around you.
and finally...
Tip#10: The more expensive vehicle has the right-of-way. Always. If wealth is not apparent, the bigger one, then. And mini-vans trump all.
I hope this is helpful- feel free to add additional tips for Denver drivers!
**I really hope this isn't necessary, but this entire thing is a farce and should not be taken seriously... After all, we all know blinker fluid never goes low- it just bursts into a fiery blaze when exposed to high altitude and THAT'S why we don't use them...**
Tip #1: Altitude is a funny thing. Here in the Denver metro area, altitude has been known to cause swelling of the brain which results is some pretty strange behavior- especially once inside a car. I'm no altitude expert but from what I understand, the seals on the doors cause a vacuum-like environment where anything goes. Anything...
Tip#2: Another altitude warning: the high elevation means your blinker fluid might run out quicker. This causes strange effects on your blinkers; the usual symptom is it not working at all. Less common is the wrong blinker flashing for your intended merge or turn. No need to fret, though. Many Denver drivers are well aware of this fully little quirk and will merge for you, or just assume you're going somewhere else and that your spot on the highway is free for them to take.
Tip#3: Feel free to text on the interstate while driving 15 below the limit during rush-hour traffic. Your swerving will help you keep your space and there's the entertainment factor of watching everyone zoom around you. Think of it as a game of bumper cars.
Tip#4: When approaching an intersection and there are two left hand turn lanes, assume the third left lane is turning as well, despite the appearance of it going straight through the intersection. You are a dick if you decide to go straight through and cut off someone changing lanes. Which reminds me...
Tip#5: Changing lanes in the middle of an intersection is apparently legal in Denver.
Tip#6: Stopping at a Yield sign is not allowed, even if there is on-coming traffic or pedestrians.
Tip#7: Stopping at red lights is also bad. And NEVER stop at a yellow light.
Tip#8: The quiet residential streets are perfect for drag racing. +1 if you manage to find anyone getting out of or into their car.
Tip#9: If your driving this summer happens to involve a moving truck it is advisable that you take the corner spaces on the residential streets to prevent anyone from being able to see around you.
and finally...
Tip#10: The more expensive vehicle has the right-of-way. Always. If wealth is not apparent, the bigger one, then. And mini-vans trump all.
I hope this is helpful- feel free to add additional tips for Denver drivers!
**I really hope this isn't necessary, but this entire thing is a farce and should not be taken seriously... After all, we all know blinker fluid never goes low- it just bursts into a fiery blaze when exposed to high altitude and THAT'S why we don't use them...**
Monday, June 11, 2012
Common Courtesy has gone to the dogs..
So, I've been a bad dog mommy and hadn't taken Maggie to the park lately. Since I actually managed to finish my homework on time (early even!) we went to the little dog park about 3 blocks from our house. We were there less than 15 minutes....
No sooner did we get to the park did a large (poodle? grey labradoodle if that's possible?) start taking an interest in my little 11lb baby. It sniffed her and followed her around and after about 10 minutes, it just didn't get the message that Maggie wasn't interested.
He(?) tried to hump Maggie, but was way too tall so it just stood over her, which seemed pretty creepy! She kept trying to get away from him and trying to put me between her and this behemoth. This went on for another couple of minutes and Maggie finally gave him a warning snap, which was presently ignored. She decided she had enough and tried to jump up to my arms so I picked her up and carried her to the other side of the park; Big Grey followed... Let her down for a minute and Big Grey started up again and so we just left. This whole time BG's owner was standing there talking about how cute it was and how her dog is just fascinated with little dogs and even after I carried Maggie away she never once called her dog off, despite Maggie's distress. Even Maggie's snap didn't clue this woman in that she needed to corral her dog- although I do believe that dogs need to sort things out like that and you can't go jumping in every time there's a snap or scuffle. But after my dog snapped and her dog completely ignored it, she should have done something besides just giggle over the little dog giving some attitude to the big dog. Or maybe I'm off base?
I don't care if our dogs play or if your dog humps mine or whatever the case happens to be. But the moment I see your dog looks even the slightest bit uncomfortable or isn't interested, I make Maggie "leave it!". The last thing I want is for you to feel like you and your dog can't enjoy the park because my dog is an ass (which she sometimes is). I will leave with my asshole dog if that's the case because you are there to spend time with your dog and socialize with other dogs and get some exercise or whatever it is you are there for. Yes, I believe dogs will be dogs and that they need to sort out their own issues, dog to dog. But come on...
No sooner did we get to the park did a large (poodle? grey labradoodle if that's possible?) start taking an interest in my little 11lb baby. It sniffed her and followed her around and after about 10 minutes, it just didn't get the message that Maggie wasn't interested.
He(?) tried to hump Maggie, but was way too tall so it just stood over her, which seemed pretty creepy! She kept trying to get away from him and trying to put me between her and this behemoth. This went on for another couple of minutes and Maggie finally gave him a warning snap, which was presently ignored. She decided she had enough and tried to jump up to my arms so I picked her up and carried her to the other side of the park; Big Grey followed... Let her down for a minute and Big Grey started up again and so we just left. This whole time BG's owner was standing there talking about how cute it was and how her dog is just fascinated with little dogs and even after I carried Maggie away she never once called her dog off, despite Maggie's distress. Even Maggie's snap didn't clue this woman in that she needed to corral her dog- although I do believe that dogs need to sort things out like that and you can't go jumping in every time there's a snap or scuffle. But after my dog snapped and her dog completely ignored it, she should have done something besides just giggle over the little dog giving some attitude to the big dog. Or maybe I'm off base?
I don't care if our dogs play or if your dog humps mine or whatever the case happens to be. But the moment I see your dog looks even the slightest bit uncomfortable or isn't interested, I make Maggie "leave it!". The last thing I want is for you to feel like you and your dog can't enjoy the park because my dog is an ass (which she sometimes is). I will leave with my asshole dog if that's the case because you are there to spend time with your dog and socialize with other dogs and get some exercise or whatever it is you are there for. Yes, I believe dogs will be dogs and that they need to sort out their own issues, dog to dog. But come on...
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