Believe it or not, I'm very excited to share the news that I found a new gynecologist yesterday. Yes, excited and gynecologist just worked their way into the same sentence. Thing is, this is probably the first time I've walked away from an exam not feeling like a total slut.
Let's go back a couple years when I moved to Denver. New to town, didn't know a soul and way more socially awkward than even now. So, when it came time for my yearly exam, a chore but necessary evil in my mind, I didn't know where to turn. I didn't know anyone and the women I worked with I wasn't comfortable enough asking. Google to the rescue and I settled for a place that had "women" in the title and looked to be staffed entirely by middle-aged respectable-looking mature female doctors.
I don't really know what I was expecting, here this being my first visit to a big city lady-doctor, but it was a perfectly normal, average office. The nurse collected me from the waiting room, took my vitals, blah blah blah... So, here's where it got weird. Again, I didn't know anyone in town, including guys.. well, the names of certain guys I knew ;-) but I didn't know them, know them. Had dated and whatnot and that's my business but apparently my assigned doctor thought it was her business to know some details beyond "When was the last time you had intercourse?". Already slightly uncomfortable (hey! maybe this is normal operations and I'm just awkward again, right?) I buck up the courage to ask about birth control and was informed that I wasn't eligible for anything like the IUD because I wasn't married nor in a monogamous relationship (something about having a foreign object up there becomes susceptible to infections in which the risk is increased when multiple partners are involved... the more you know!) Since my new insurance had made my favorite form of birth control too expensive I resigned myself to Depo, or "the shot." Looking all pleased with herself the doctor went to exit the room and get ready for my exam when I steadied myself again and asked for a full STD screening (another yearly chore). That's when I received... the look.
Ladies, I may not need to explain this look but in case we have those that don't get it among us, the look says it all. Slight furled upper lip, brow pinched ever so subtly and a look in the eyes that screams "WHORE WHORE WHORE!"
What the fuck did I do to deserve that look? Because I'm overly cautious and have insurance that covers stuff like that and even though I have ZERO reason to believe either the STD test OR birth control was necessary? Is it because I admitted to being non-monogamous (kinda hard to be monogamous when there isn't anyone around to be monogamous with) AND requested STD screening? Go Fuck Yourself you snooty over-the-hill stuck up bitch! Except I kept going back... and every single time I could see that look in her face.
Fast forward to a time when I grew some lady balls and decided to find a new doctor: this week. This time around I asked for recommendations and took a chance and wow! Here's that word again: excited. Nervously I pulled the same routine, asking for birth control and STD testing in the same breath. "Not a problem! We do that all the time here- actually just standard practice." No judgement, no looks and no probing questions...
AND! since I'm back to a better insurance, could go back on my fav birth control and stop the stupid shot AND! she had samples which covers me for 3 months in addition to the year prescription. AND! she was fast... in and out and done faster than a frat boy on a Thursday night, unlike that other wench who thought she was going on an expedition in there.
The best part about this new doctor, though, is what I mentioned in the first paragraph- the new doctor didn't make be feel like a slut. She made me feel like the empowered, responsible woman I am that made a choice years ago to take charge of my body and make sure that everything down there was good to go. If that makes me a slut, whatever.. But as least I didn't feel the need to apologize for it or subject myself to perceived abuse just to get my yearly check up. And that is very empowering.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
You don't live like me? What an idiot!
So, I hate money. Maybe it's the result of being the daughter of a banker and spending lots of time near the vaults and teller lines and in that secret back room full of cash behind the ATM. Or maybe because money is such a pain in the ass. Period.
Ironically, though, I catch myself reading lots and lots of articles about money and how to manage it. MSN Money, Forbes, Fiscal Times, Reuters... somehow I manage to browse them all and inevitable end up shaking my head at the hundreds of articles of advice that seem to be written for.. I don't know.. rich people?
I'm not talking like Donald Trump or Warren Buffet rich. I'm talking Executive or Lawyer rich. What is that these days, $350,000? Despite all my readings, I'm still clueless to what people make and what it takes to live. The point is, these articles give super helpful tips like cutting back on expenses by only getting a Brazilian Blow-Out once every two weeks- no one's going to notice... Or reduce your grocery bill by cutting down your meat dishes to only 2-3 times a week.. Should you pay for your kid's college because you clearly have that kind of money set aside? But don't tap into that vast retirement fund to do it! Cut back on that expensive gym membership! Cut down on your driving or trade in for something more fuel efficient! Make coffee at home! Cancel your....... whatever.
These are all reasonable ways to cut back- don't get me wrong. But this is for people that actually know what a blow-out is (not the tire kind- the one where your long luxurious locks are professionally blow dried and styled a la local TV news anchor style) and for people that could previously afford meat at every meal and have socked away retirement money AND savings. This certainly isn't me- nor many of the people I know!
I remember a time when I was working 2.5 part time jobs plus going to school full time and trying to take care of the menagerie of pets I had taken in (dog, 2 cats, 2 birds, fish..). I ate ramen noodles dry, straight out of the package while driving from one job to the next. If it wasn't ramen, it was dollar menu from whatever drive through I was closest to. Coffee takes time to prepare and you generally have to wait for it to cool down before drinking so I "splurged" on energy drinks and cigarettes to get me through the 20 hour days. Thankfully, that was a VERY short period of time for me and you can bet I went a little crazy when I finally landed a full time job that paid nearly twice what I was making with all the part-time work and school assistance (military benefits for school probably saved my life- this could have been a completely different story). I had to suddenly scramble to fill my life with the things I "needed" but couldn't ever afford. I spent like a Hollywood starlet out on the town for the first time. After my first year, I had bought a house and furnished it, a new car (like new- new.. same model year and no miles on it), ate sushi every night, splurged on bottle service... drained my savings. Actually, I never saved because money just kept coming. I was working so much keeping busy and traveling for work, never bothered with silly things like friends but that's ok. I was making good money and even better money on my "trips" and spending just about all of it- MAYBE saving about 5% because I forgot I had that there.
I did this for 2 years when I decided I needed a change and transferred to Denver, doing the same job but without the traveling bonus money and whoa... suddenly broke again. For the NEXT 2 years I struggled to get my finances back under control because I had to re-learn to live within my means. When traveling, I had no idea what my means were so once that was eliminated I had to learn the hard way how to budget. Obviously, still didn't learn my lesson as I took on a job going back to traveling just to take care of some debts and reset my finances.
So here I am, vowing once again to budget and live humbly but it's hard, right? Especially when I go to Forbes looking for advice and they tell me to cut back on my socializing or to skip a week of taking my dog to the groomers (which we've never ever been to one...) And then I come across this gem:
http://www.thefiscaltimes.com/Articles/2012/03/07/The-Real-Cost-of-Living-150000-Minimum.aspx#page1
The Real Cost of Living: $150,000 Uh... What?! The average American household is not even half that! What kind of cost of living are we talking about, my post-broke first job type lifestyle (which even then I didn't make that much!)? What are these people doing that takes $150,000 a year to live? And THEN they said that's for some place like Peoria, Illinois. The equivalent for large cities was astronomical.
The best part of this article, though, was reading the comments on the bottom. Well, a lot of these finance articles comments run quite similarly. There's always a hefty amount of commenters running their mouth about how people need to live within their means and stop driving gas guzzlers. There's people (like me) that go on about how they used to be soooo broke and now they're living large because they figured out how to (insert trick here). Then there's the people that decide to share their finances with the board with stuff like "I make 75k a year and am barely scraping by!" which causes the self-righteous post-broke people to blast them and calling them stupid and do they really NEED to live in a house? What do you NEED a car for- use your legs! I'd be living like a king if I only had to pay $X for rent like you, you dumb-fuck.
But here's the thing with money and advice and telling people how dumb they are for living the life that they chose... there's a reason it's called "Personal Finance." You live your life, I live mine. You make $x and I make $y. Why should your budget (or lack of one or whatever!) and your rules apply to me? I learned painfully the ways that I need to manage my money and am still learning that whole "live within your means" thing. Sure, I fuck-up, a lot. I spend money I don't have, but then I work my ass off to pay for that. I take responsibility for my bills and pay my debts. I've learned to evaluate wants and needs and yet, I live a life of instant gratification and really don't appreciate being told to wait and save and pay for it with cash. I don't appreciate being told that I'm stupid for buying the things that I want. because I know it, already. I know that some of my splurges are retarded and I know that there is nothing that I NEED so badly it can't wait until next payday or whenever. I know.. but this is my checkbook, my life. My fuck-ups, my payments. My job, my things. I don't live your life and you don't live mine so lets just be friends (and go for sushi later?)
Ironically, though, I catch myself reading lots and lots of articles about money and how to manage it. MSN Money, Forbes, Fiscal Times, Reuters... somehow I manage to browse them all and inevitable end up shaking my head at the hundreds of articles of advice that seem to be written for.. I don't know.. rich people?
I'm not talking like Donald Trump or Warren Buffet rich. I'm talking Executive or Lawyer rich. What is that these days, $350,000? Despite all my readings, I'm still clueless to what people make and what it takes to live. The point is, these articles give super helpful tips like cutting back on expenses by only getting a Brazilian Blow-Out once every two weeks- no one's going to notice... Or reduce your grocery bill by cutting down your meat dishes to only 2-3 times a week.. Should you pay for your kid's college because you clearly have that kind of money set aside? But don't tap into that vast retirement fund to do it! Cut back on that expensive gym membership! Cut down on your driving or trade in for something more fuel efficient! Make coffee at home! Cancel your....... whatever.
These are all reasonable ways to cut back- don't get me wrong. But this is for people that actually know what a blow-out is (not the tire kind- the one where your long luxurious locks are professionally blow dried and styled a la local TV news anchor style) and for people that could previously afford meat at every meal and have socked away retirement money AND savings. This certainly isn't me- nor many of the people I know!
I remember a time when I was working 2.5 part time jobs plus going to school full time and trying to take care of the menagerie of pets I had taken in (dog, 2 cats, 2 birds, fish..). I ate ramen noodles dry, straight out of the package while driving from one job to the next. If it wasn't ramen, it was dollar menu from whatever drive through I was closest to. Coffee takes time to prepare and you generally have to wait for it to cool down before drinking so I "splurged" on energy drinks and cigarettes to get me through the 20 hour days. Thankfully, that was a VERY short period of time for me and you can bet I went a little crazy when I finally landed a full time job that paid nearly twice what I was making with all the part-time work and school assistance (military benefits for school probably saved my life- this could have been a completely different story). I had to suddenly scramble to fill my life with the things I "needed" but couldn't ever afford. I spent like a Hollywood starlet out on the town for the first time. After my first year, I had bought a house and furnished it, a new car (like new- new.. same model year and no miles on it), ate sushi every night, splurged on bottle service... drained my savings. Actually, I never saved because money just kept coming. I was working so much keeping busy and traveling for work, never bothered with silly things like friends but that's ok. I was making good money and even better money on my "trips" and spending just about all of it- MAYBE saving about 5% because I forgot I had that there.
I did this for 2 years when I decided I needed a change and transferred to Denver, doing the same job but without the traveling bonus money and whoa... suddenly broke again. For the NEXT 2 years I struggled to get my finances back under control because I had to re-learn to live within my means. When traveling, I had no idea what my means were so once that was eliminated I had to learn the hard way how to budget. Obviously, still didn't learn my lesson as I took on a job going back to traveling just to take care of some debts and reset my finances.
So here I am, vowing once again to budget and live humbly but it's hard, right? Especially when I go to Forbes looking for advice and they tell me to cut back on my socializing or to skip a week of taking my dog to the groomers (which we've never ever been to one...) And then I come across this gem:
http://www.thefiscaltimes.com/Articles/2012/03/07/The-Real-Cost-of-Living-150000-Minimum.aspx#page1
The Real Cost of Living: $150,000 Uh... What?! The average American household is not even half that! What kind of cost of living are we talking about, my post-broke first job type lifestyle (which even then I didn't make that much!)? What are these people doing that takes $150,000 a year to live? And THEN they said that's for some place like Peoria, Illinois. The equivalent for large cities was astronomical.
The best part of this article, though, was reading the comments on the bottom. Well, a lot of these finance articles comments run quite similarly. There's always a hefty amount of commenters running their mouth about how people need to live within their means and stop driving gas guzzlers. There's people (like me) that go on about how they used to be soooo broke and now they're living large because they figured out how to (insert trick here). Then there's the people that decide to share their finances with the board with stuff like "I make 75k a year and am barely scraping by!" which causes the self-righteous post-broke people to blast them and calling them stupid and do they really NEED to live in a house? What do you NEED a car for- use your legs! I'd be living like a king if I only had to pay $X for rent like you, you dumb-fuck.
But here's the thing with money and advice and telling people how dumb they are for living the life that they chose... there's a reason it's called "Personal Finance." You live your life, I live mine. You make $x and I make $y. Why should your budget (or lack of one or whatever!) and your rules apply to me? I learned painfully the ways that I need to manage my money and am still learning that whole "live within your means" thing. Sure, I fuck-up, a lot. I spend money I don't have, but then I work my ass off to pay for that. I take responsibility for my bills and pay my debts. I've learned to evaluate wants and needs and yet, I live a life of instant gratification and really don't appreciate being told to wait and save and pay for it with cash. I don't appreciate being told that I'm stupid for buying the things that I want. because I know it, already. I know that some of my splurges are retarded and I know that there is nothing that I NEED so badly it can't wait until next payday or whenever. I know.. but this is my checkbook, my life. My fuck-ups, my payments. My job, my things. I don't live your life and you don't live mine so lets just be friends (and go for sushi later?)
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